


(Make Me) Sick of Love

by Crayonlighting



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Banter, Dom/sub Undertones, Evan "Buck" Buckley is a complete bisexual disaster, Explicit Language, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, M/M, Maddie Buckley is a Good Sister, Mild S&M, Mild Sexual Content, Mild Smut, No Lawsuit Arc, Not Beta Read, Protective Maddie Buckley, Sexual Content, Texting, men with feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:27:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27040447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crayonlighting/pseuds/Crayonlighting
Summary: This is supposed to be about sex, Eddie tells himself. I'd never fall for that smartass, Buck tells himself.They are both are very wrong.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 121





	(Make Me) Sick of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta-read, all mistakes are my own.

Evan Buckley had a problem. Buck loved everything about being in love. He loved the nervous butterflies, the awkward first dates, scared first kisses. He loved figuring out when was the perfect time to reach for his hand for the first time. Or trying to figure out the perfect time to send that shirtless photo of him at the gym to the cute checkout girl from the drug store. Buck was nothing short of addicted to being in love. Part of him craved for that nervous laugh from his partner the very first time they ended up in bed together. Buck was not shy, which is how he always ended up in his bed with someone new after only days of being separated from a past partner. He was 26 after all, the right time to be making this kind of a mess of his life.

Abigail Clark had been the last straw for Evan Buckley. She had broken him in a way he hadn’t realized was possible. Abigail was also the last one Buck allowed to be called a girlfriend. After Abby, it was very apparent to Buck that his fatal flaw was that he fell too fast and too hard for people, and she hit him harder than a semi doing eighty on interstate five.

This was when Buck decided he no longer could share his heart with those he chose to share his bed with.

Edmundo Diaz was a man short on nothing except love. Eddie had love to give, he gave 100% of his love to his son. And anything else he could muster he gave to his sisters, parents, and his wife. In that order. There had been a time when Eddie would put his wife above all others in his life. He loved her with all his heart, that had been the reason he married her. Eddie loved nothing more than getting off work after a long day and rushing home to the arms of his loving wife. They were completely in love; they were also young and still had dreams of their own they wanted to play out. Eddie ignored all the signs that neither of them was happy because he thought he could fix it; he just needed a little more time.

Before he knew it, Shannon was walking out the door without him or their son.

Eddie was now a firefighter with the 118 in Los Angeles, his wife was gone, but not forgotten, and his son Christopher, now had 100% of his love, and he didn’t care to share that love anymore.

Eddie, of course, had the needs of any young man in their thirties. However, he wasn’t looking for love. Those lucky enough to be invited into Eddie’s bed, quickly learned that Eddie wasn’t going to be sharing anything other than his body with them. For most this was enough to never call or text again, but there were a few who didn’t mind the unconnected sex, and Eddie was never really _lonely_.

When Evan Buckley first met Edmundo Diaz, he loathed the man. The first thought to enter his mind had been to notice how physically attractive Eddie was. He absolutely did not stare at his lips and think about how they might taste, kissing him in the back of the truck. Instead, what he projects is an attitude. How very dare Eddie step on his territory. Buck was the hot one and he was not about to let Eddie take that from him. Yes, Evan Buckley was Jealous. Jealous simply because he wanted the man, but it would be 100% inappropriate for him to have sex with his new colleague. The sexual frustration built up inside Buck and burst out of him as anger toward Eddie.

“Pull that giant dick out of your ass Buckley and get the fuck over whatever your problem is with me because I’m not going anywhere.”

Night, after night Buck went home pissed off, and sexually frustrated. The other firefighter had an unwanted, _very familiar_ hold on Buck’s psyche, and Buck wanted nothing to do with it. He was over those days. He was an entire year older now after all.

When Eddie says, “No thanks,” in that silky, sultry way only Eddie Diaz could muster, for the third time that month, when Chim asks them all out for drinks again, Buck can’t help but wonder what the hell he’s doing that’s so important he can’t go out for a drink with his co-workers. He says nothing but makes a note of this in the back of his mind, and goes out for a drink with Chim, Hen, and Bobby.

Buck stares at his phone most of the night, while he drinks his beer. Chim chirping in his ear about how he must be _looking for someone better to do tonight_. Buck rolls his eyes at the comment and continues texting his sister.

Buck does not leave the bar alone that night, however.

The following day Hen couldn’t help but comment on the fact that Buck’s overnight friend looked an awful lot like a certain someone Buck claimed to hate.

“Shove it,” Buck says glaring back at Hen.

Eddie never one to miss a beat Diaz, caught on to Hen’s suggestion the moment it was out of her mouth and promptly supplies, “Cute as you may be Buck, you don’t exactly have what I seek.”

Buck, clearly offended by this statement promptly replies, “I’m everyone’s type!”

Eddie seeing how much this got under Buck’s skin, decided he’d get in the last word on this one, “Yeah? I don’t really have a thing for blondes with attitudes bigger than their dicks.”

When Buck stares at Eddie from across a grenade between the two of them, it’s safe to say Buck was quick to drop all previous hatred for the other man.

Fast friends was an understatement. Eddie and Buck were having sex by that weekend. Eddie’s hands were grasping at Buck’s hair, as Buck was grinding against him riding Eddie’s dick on the sofa in Buck’s apartment.

“Maybe next time, we’ll actually make it to the bed,” Eddie says when they’re putting their clothes back on.

Buck smirks, “Who says there’s gonna be a next time?”

Eddie gives Buck a knowing look and replies, “With the way you were screaming my name, I’d be shocked.”

“I was not screaming,” Buck says rolling his eyes.

“Give up the act Evan, you got what you wanted, no need to play hard to get anymore,” Eddie says.

“You just called me Evan,” Buck says looking back at Eddie.

Eddie looks at Buck thinking back a moment, he had just called him Evan, didn’t he? Eddie hadn’t even been thinking about it, it had just slipped out of his mouth, “Does it bother you?”

“No,” Buck says after thinking about it for a moment, surprised by how much he didn’t mind when Eddie said it, “And I’m not _playing_ hard to get, I actually am.”

Eddie smiles and laughs, “You were like the easiest lay I’ve had since I got here,” he says, “I usually have to chase them around a little.”

Buck rolls his eyes again, “You don’t chase anyone,” he says, “Not your style.”

Eddie smirks, “Alright, you got me there,” he says, “You weren’t the easiest, but you weren’t the hardest.”

“Whatever,” Buck says walking into the kitchen pouring two glasses of water, sliding one to the edge of the counter for Eddie.

“Thank you,” Eddie says picking up the glass, drinking half the glass in a single gulp.

“So, you want to do this again?” Eddie asks next.

Buck slowly sips the water from his glass, looking at Eddie out of the corner of his eye, before setting the glass down on the counter, “Thirsty much?”

Eddie rolls his eyes, “A man’s got needs, you’re convenient.”

Buck tries not to look shocked when he says, “You’re a dick, Diaz.”

Eddie smirks, “Kind of,” he admits, “But you’re into it.”

Evan was very much into it.

“I don’t make it a habit of doing the same guy twice, anymore,” Buck says pouring himself a second glass of water.

“Anymore,” Eddie says as Buck offers Eddie a second glass of water, “From what I hear about you, you’re a one-hit-wonder.”

Buck rolls his eyes, “It wasn’t always like that,” he says, “This is just convenient now.”

“Heartbroken one too many times,” Eddie says.

“You don’t know anything about me,” Buck says next.

“Hey, I get it,” Eddie says, “Why do you think I’m doing the same thing?”

When Buck found out exactly why Eddie _got it_ , well let’s just say Buck wasn’t going to be made a fool of by another lover, and the fact that he’d allowed Eddie to come so close, meant he needed to take a step back. He was angry, furious with Eddie, a feeling he hadn’t felt in quite some time when it came to the people he slept with. That was the reason he didn’t do relationships anymore after all.

“What’s with you?” Eddie asks corning Buck after their shift one day, “You’re ignoring my texts, and I know you’ve read them.”

“Fuck you,” Buck says crossing his arms over his chest, he wasn’t going to let Eddie intimidate him, he wasn’t scared of him.

Eddie rolls his eyes, “Why are you pissed at me?” he asks, “Use your words.”

Buck glares back at Eddie, “I don’t have to tell you shit,” he says.

“You’re such a drama queen,” Eddie says next.

“I’m a drama queen and you’re a liar,” Buck says.

“What did I lie to you about?” Eddie asks looking back at Buck.

“You’re married,” Buck says next and Eddie immediately understands, he takes a step back, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I didn’t lie,” Eddie says next, “You didn’t ask, and I didn’t tell.”

“Yeah, well that kind of thing usually comes up before you fuck someone, you know like when you’re making out in the front seat of the car, or behind the station house, in the showers, any of those times would have been appropriate,” Buck says.

“You didn’t ask,” Eddie says again.

“I didn’t think I had to ask the guy who was flirting with me and doesn’t wear a wedding ring if he was married,” Buck snaps.

Eddie sighs softly, sitting down on the bench beside his locker, “She left me years ago, didn’t leave a forwarding address, so it wasn’t like I could send her divorce papers,” he says looking down at his boots, “Woke up to a note she’d left on the nightstand, she left me,” he says, “It’s not something I generally bring up with people I just have casual sex with Evan,” he says looking up to meet Buck’s eyes.

“We are friends first Eddie, you should have been able to tell me that,” he insists, “All you ever said was that Christopher’s mom was out of the picture, why did you hide this from me?”

“I just told you why, it’s not something I just tell people I sleep with,” Eddie says, “Yes Buck, we’re friends, but we also sleep together, and that complicates things for me.”

“It shouldn’t,” Buck says next.

“If I start treating you like my friend, and telling you these things about me, then it complicates the sex,” Eddie says, “And I don’t want complicated sex.”

Buck looks at Eddie, “Being your friend shouldn’t complicate the sex we have, I’m pissed that you lied to me, not that you have baggage.”

“I don’t know what else you want me to say, Buck,” Eddie says.

“Nothing, you just made me a homewrecking slut,” Buck says looking at Eddie, “I can’t imagine what you could say to that.

“Oh fuck off,” Eddie says rolling his eyes, “You were a slut before I met you, and I told you Shannon and I aren’t together anymore, we haven’t had a relationship since she walked out, so not much of a home to wreck.”

Buck rolls his eyes, “Bye Eddie,” he says picking up his bag and walking out to his truck, where he _tries_ to stop thinking about that pathetic look on Eddie’s face when he was looking at him.

**Eddie** Smartass **Diaz** :: Text me when you’re not angry with me. You know I don’t like to piss you off on purpose.

Buck ignores the text and drives home alone.

“Evan, why don’t you have sheets on your bed?” Maddie asks exiting the bathroom.

“I put them in the wash this morning,” Buck says, “What’s the big deal? I’ll make the bed later.”

Maddie rolls her eyes, “Only single men, don’t have more than one set of sheets,” she says.

“Yeah, well I’m very much single,” Buck says helping himself to the Chinese takeout Maddie brought over for them.

“Are you?” she asks, “Evan always in a relationship Buckley, finds himself a single man,” Maddie teases, picking up a container of fried rice and dropping herself down onto the sofa, turning the channel on the tv.

“Very funny,” Buck says, “I’m not always in a relationship.”

Maddie turns to her brother, giving him a knowing look, “Ava, Jenny, Oliver, Max, Maxine, Tanner, Brittany, Heather, Zac, Alex, Alexandria, Alexis, Marshall, Peter, Sydney-” Maddie says looking over at her brother.

“Alright Maddie,” Buck says rolling his eyes, “I get it, thank you.”

“You’ve been literally dating since you turned fourteen,” Maddie says, “Girls, boys, literally anyone who would have you, Evan,” she says.

Buck shrugs, “I’m taking a break from that,” he says putting some noodles into his mouth.

Maddie sighs softly, “I guess I should have asked how things were for you after Abby, I just assumed you would bounce back like you always do,” she says looking at her brother.

“I have _bounced_ ,” Buck says, “Just not back into another relationship, a lot more casual now.”

“Oh god,” Maddie frowns, “Just tell me you’re using condoms,” she grimaces.

Buck rolls his eyes, “Of course,” he says, “Now will you shut up, I really don’t want to have this conversation with my sister.”

“You’re my little brother, it’s my responsibility to ask you these things,” Maddie insists.

“Anyways,” Buck says rolling his eyes, “It’s not like I’m not allowed to do whatever I want with whoever I want.”

“As long as you’re not being stupid,” Maddie says, “Look, Evan, I don’t care if you want to sleep with a hundred men or women, that’s your right, and if it’s really making you happy then fine,” she says looking at her brother, “But I have a suspicion that you’re not happy, and that’s when this becomes my business, so do you want to talk to me about it?”

“Not really,” Buck says next.

“Fine,” Maddie says dropping the subject, “You don’t have to talk to me but I love you, and I only want you to be happy Evan.”

Buck sighs softly, “I love you too Maddie.”

**Evan** with the fine ass **Buckley** :: I’m not pissed off anymore.

The following afternoon, Buck is not surprised to find himself underneath Eddie Diaz. Does he wish it hadn’t happened? No, but he wished he hadn’t given in so quickly. Thinks he should have made Eddie wait for him a little longer.

“You okay?” Eddie asks sitting up on the bed, pulling the sheets over his waist.

“Fine,” Buck says pushing himself up on the bed, but not bothering with the sheets.

“Is this where I ask you again, and you tell me the truth or where I drop it and we both pretend you’re fine even though we both know you’re not?” Eddie asks.

Buck scoffs and rolls his eyes, “It’s nothing,” Buck says again, “I’m annoyed at my sister, came over spouting some bullshit at me yesterday.”

“So, do you want to tell me what she said that’s so annoying?” Eddie asks.

“We don’t share things, remember,” Buck says next, “This is just sex.”

“We’re friends first,” Eddie says looking over at Buck.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Shannon?” Buck asks.

Eddie sighs, “Because I don’t like to be reminded of her.”

“Why?” Buck presses.

“She left me, and my feelings are still fucking hurt, is that what you want to hear Buck?” Eddie asks, “Years later, and my feelings are still fucking hurt.”

“Yes,” Buck says quietly, he knew exactly what that was like, and knowing that Eddie was feeling the same way somehow made this better for him.

“You are so fucked up, Buck,” Eddie says next, shaking his head.

Buck looks over at Eddie, “I had a Shannon too you know.”

“I’m not the only one with baggage,” Eddie says looking back at Buck.

Buck shakes his head, “Her name was Abby,” he says softly, “She ran so far she’s in Europe now.”

“That’s fucked man,” Eddie says after several moments of silence.

“Isn’t it,” Buck says as he cracks a smile, “Maddie always said I was insufferable but I always chocked that up to sibling rivalry,” he says even though he and Maddie got along very well while they were growing up, a few arguments here and there as to be expected with siblings, but they were rather close and liked spending time with each other.

After another pregnant pause, Buck says, “I really wasn’t what drove her away,” he says next, “She had her own issues and needed time and space to be Abby, I’m not pissed at her, I’m happy for her she’s doing well, but there’s still that tiny part of me that thinks there was something I could have done differently to make her stay or bring her back even.”

“I guess Shannon made it easy for me when she left she never called,” Eddie says looking over at Buck, “But I do know I’m the reason she left, being married to combat medic,” he sighs, “I wasn’t the same person she married when I came home but she was very much the same Shannon. So, she left, and I never called.”

Eddie was sitting at the table, biting into a pear scrolling through his phone, when Buck walks up behind him, plucking the pear from Eddie’s hand.

“What the fuck?” Eddie says turning around to see Buck biting into his pear, “I was eating that Buck.”

Buck shrugs, and bites into the fruit again, “It’s really sweet, this pear.”

“Yeah, give it back,” Eddie says, “You’re eating all the best parts.”

Buck rolls his eyes and hands Eddie his pear back, “You wanna come over after shift?” he asks dropping himself down into a chair beside Eddie.

“I can’t tonight Buck, sorry,” Eddie says finishing the rest of his pear, “You’ll have to find one of your Tinder dates tonight.”

Buck rolls his eyes, “Okay,” he says pulling out his phone, and opening his Tinder profile to check his messages.

Eddie watches as Buck swipes right on the first three profiles that pop up, “Not picky are you,” he says.

“Not really,” Buck says, “Perk of being bi, everyone is gorgeous.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, tossing the core of the pear into the trash bin, “You know that’s not how that works at all, right.”

Buck shrugs, “It is for me,” he says, “I thought I was gay when I had my first crush on a guy, I was so young, I was like twelve, and had no idea why I kept trying to find ways for me to be alone with my best friend Chad,” he says, “It felt exactly like when I had a crush on this girl Misty, but she was so mean to me, she pushed me down on the playground at recess and I skinned my knee, but when I started to like Chad, I knew it was weird to think about your friend that way, but I just really wanted to kiss him, and then he punched me in the face when I actually did it.”

“Geeze Buck,” Eddie mumbles.

“It was alright,” Buck says, “I knew it was weird but I couldn’t stop myself, I thought if I did it and got it over with I’d be fine after but it didn’t stop there, I had the same feeling about my friend Tyler the very next year and my friend Alex, and then when I was starting to think I only liked guys, I met Marissa, she was in my history class, and every time she said my name I felt like I wanted to throw up,” Buck laughs, “She wore her hair with these tiny braids that framed her face, that she tied them into a bow around the back of her head, and she had these loose blonde curls, and when we kissed for the first time, she bit me, she actually fucking bit me, but god was sixteen-year-old Buck into it.”

Eddie looks back at Buck, “So you’re into biting,” he says next.

Buck laughs, “Yeah, I guess, but I don’t really do kinky stuff with my _Tinder dates_ ,” he smirks.

“Oh wow,” Eddie says, “I did not think we’d be having the kinky sex conversation today, Evan.”

Buck laughs again, “I bet you have your own kinks you’re into,” he says.

“Everyone does,” Eddie replies.

“Oh, come on Eddie,” Buck says leaning over to get closer to Eddie, “Tell me something.”

Eddie gives Buck a look, “No,” he says.

Buck laughs, “So it’s that bad huh?”

Eddie rolls his eyes, “No,” he says.

“Tell me,” Buck insists.

“I don’t want to tell you,” Eddie says.

“Oh, come on,” Buck says, “I’ll tell you another one of mine.”

Eddie was now intrigued, but he still didn’t want to tell Buck, “You first.”

“No,” Buck smiles, “You’re not going to tell me if I tell you first.”

_Damn_ , Eddie thinks, “Fine,” he mutters, “Pain.”

“Oh,” Buck stares with wide eyes, “Giving or receiving?”

Eddie blushes lightly, “Receiving,” he says quietly.

“Yum,” Buck says staring back at Eddie.

“Shut up, Buck,” Eddie says.

Buck smiles, “Okay, so I like biting, but it’s just okay, I’m kind of really into restraints,” he says looking at Eddie, “And not necessarily being restrained.”

Eddie looks at Buck for a moment before reaching for his bottle of water, suddenly finding his mouth very dry.

“I have lots more I’m into, if you ever want to talk some more,” Buck smirks.

Eddie had never been more thankful for the sound of the bell ringing. He definitely needed some air, and an emergency adrenaline rush worked just as well.

Buck picks up his phone and heads down the stairs, while Eddie sets his water down following Buck, telling himself that now was not the time for an erection and to keep it together.

The next time Eddie ends up at Buck’s place, he can’t help himself, he starts looking around for anything that might have given away the man earlier.

“Will you come out of my bedroom,” Buck sighs heavily from downstairs, “What are you looking for up there anyway?”

“You’re not shy, what do you care if I look around your bedroom,” Eddie replies walking into Buck’s closet.

Buck sighs again, “I don’t care,” he says, “I just didn’t realize you came over to look through my wardrobe.”

Eddie walks to the edge of the stairs, looking down at Buck sitting on the sofa looking annoyed, “Come upstairs then.”

Buck rolls his eyes but gets up anyway, walking upstairs standing in front of Eddie, “If you tell me what you’re looking for, I’ll point you in the right direction,” he says.

“I’m not looking for anything,” Eddie says next.

“Yeah, okay,” Buck says walking over to the bed, pulling off his shirt as he flops down onto the bed, looking over at Eddie, “What are you looking for my sex toys or something?” he smirks.

Eddie flushes, “I didn’t realize you had sex toys,” he says plainly.

“Lots,” Buck smirks looking back at Eddie.

“No, you don’t,” Eddie decides a moment later.

“Well I’ll tell you, you weren’t going to find them where you were looking,” Buck smirks looking up at Eddie.

“Shut up, Evan,” Eddie says, kneeling on the bed, straddling Buck’s hips.

“Make me,” Buck says looking up at Eddie.

**Eddie** don’t fall for him **Diaz** :: No it’s not like that at all

**Eddie** don’t fall for him **Diaz** :: It’s just different with guys

**Eddie** don’t fall for him **Diaz** :: It’s more intense. Fuck that doesn’t even make sense.

**Eddie** don’t fall for him **Diaz** :: I can’t really explain it.

**Evan** tie me up please **Buckley** :: It kind of goes against me being convenient for you

**Eddie** don’t fall for him **Diaz** :: No it doesn’t.

**Evan** tie me up please **Buckley** :: Yes it does.

**Evan** tie me up please **Buckley** :: if you’re saying you only sleep with guys after you get to know them

**Evan** tie me up please **Buckley** :: when it’s not that way for girls you sleep with.

**Eddie** don’t fall for him **Diaz** :: We’re friends, who have sex.

**Eddie** don’t fall for him **Diaz** :: So I had to suss out your personality before I immediately wanted to fuck you

**Eddie** don’t fall for him **Diaz** :: It’s not that big a deal Buck.

**Evan** tie me up please **Buckley** :: It sounds like more than casual sex to me Eddie

**Evan** tie me up please **Buckley** :: It sounds like you like me.

**Evan** tie me up please **Buckley** :: Really like me.

**Eddie** don’t fall for him **Diaz** :: It’s just sex Buck.

**Eddie** don’t fall for him **Diaz** :: I’m not going to ask you out on a date or anything.

**Evan** tie me up please **Buckley** :: Why don’t you want to date me?

**Evan** tie me up please **Buckley** :: I’m very dateable.

**Eddie** don’t fall for him **Diaz** :: I never said you weren’t dateable. Whtevr that means.

**Eddie** don’t fall for him **Diaz** :: We’re just not dating.

**Evan** tie me up please **Buckley** :: Ever?

**Eddie** don’t fall for him **Diaz** :: This is supposed to be about sex.

“Evan!”

“What?!” Buck snaps suddenly aware of someone calling his name.

“Where the hell are you?” Maddie asks looking over at her brother.

“What? I’m fine,” Buck says looking over at Maddie, “What are you talking about?”

Maddie rolls her eyes, “Okay, spill it, why are you so distracted,” Maddie all but demands.

“I’m fine,” Buck says again.

Maddie gives Buck a look, crossing her arms over her chest, “Then why are you sitting on my couch at 1 am?”

“It’s one?” Buck asks shocked, looking down at his watch, “Fuck,” he swears.

“What’s going on Evan?” Maddie sighs sitting down beside Buck on the sofa.

“Nothing,” Buck says before deciding he did want to tell Maddie something, “I mean,” he sighs, “I fucked up, Maddie.”

Maddie frowns, “What happened?” she asks.

“I,” Buck stops himself, before forcing the words out of his mouth, “After Abby, I didn’t want to get my heart broken again,” he sighs.

“What are you talking about?” Maddie asks.

“You were right Maddie,” Buck says, “When you said I was looking for something, rather than just random sex, I wasn’t trying to date anyone, that was the point.”

Maddie sighs, running her hand through her hair, “Evan,” she says softly.

“I know,” Buck sighs, “I just, I don’t know,” he says, “I really thought I could just have sex with him, and it mean nothing.”

“Except it means something now,” Maddie says, “And you’re afraid of getting hurt.”

Buck nods.

“You’ve never been afraid of moving onto your next partner Evan,” Maddie says a moment later, “Why is this so different?”

“Because of Abby,” Buck says, “When she left, I’d never felt anything like that before,” he says, “She’s the only one who’s ever left me like that.”

Maddie looks back at her brother, “I know,” Maddie sighs, “I’m really sorry, Evan.”

Buck sighs, “I don’t know what to do Mads,” he says looking at his sister, “I could really love him.”

Maddie watches her brother for a moment, “You could or you do?”

Buck frowns, “What?” he asks not understanding the question, “I don’t, I mean, huh?”

“Are you already in love with him, Evan?”

It had been one of those moments that made Buck question everything about what he was doing, and if he actually knew what he was doing. Had Buck made a mistake? Or was this just fate? Sometimes they just got there, and it was too late.

Buck wasn’t even aware of the hands on his body until he’d looked down and realized all of his gear had been removed. Helmet, belt, jacket, shirt, pants, Buck was naked and standing under the spray of the shower. He sighs running his hand through his hair, pushing the wet strands out of his face.

“Eddie?” Buck frowns, seeing Eddie standing in the shower next to his.

“You doing okay there Evan?” Eddie asks looking over at the other firefighter.

Buck nods, “Fine,” he says, “Uh, how did I get here?”

“I might have helped you out,” Eddie says feeling his skin flush.

“Oh,” Buck says, “Well, um, thanks,” he says.

Eddie is quiet for a few minutes, while not watching Buck wash the soot from his hair out of the corner of his eye.

“You good?” Eddie asks again a few moments later.

Buck nods before rinsing his hair out, “Do you uh, want to come over to my place?”

Eddie nods.

It was only after they had sex, and Buck found himself laying with his head against Eddie’s chest, listening to his heartbeat, that he realized exactly how far gone he was.

“I can’t do this anymore Eddie,” Buck says pushing himself up on the bed, moving away from Eddie.

Eddie frowns, “What are you talking about?” he asks.

“Whatever this is between us, I can’t do it anymore,” Buck says, “Goddamn are you hot, and I really wanted this to just be about sex,” he sighs, “But this isn’t me, and I knew that when we started this, I just wanted you so badly that against my better judgment, I let myself have sex with you when that’s not really what I wanted.”

“What do you want?” Eddie asks curiously.

“I love being in a relationship,” Buck says, “I love having a person who’s always there who I can talk to who will just come over to chill, who loves making out with me, I love to make out with people,” he says looking over at Eddie, “I love having nervous butterflies, I love kissing in the rain, I love having kinky sex with my partner, I love being in love,” Buck says then sighs, “And I’ve been trying so hard to turn that off inside me and force myself to be someone I’m not,” Buck says, “I’m not someone who likes casual sex, I mean I do, but it’s so much better when you’re having sex with a person who is your partner, I’m not saying I don’t like having sex with you because I do, holy fuck I do, but this isn’t what I want, I tried to want it but I don’t,” Buck says, “What I want is a boyfriend, and I understand that’s not what you want and I’m okay with that,” he says looking at Eddie, “I am, I just can’t keep doing this with you anymore because it’s hurting me more than I thought it would.”

**Evan** shut up and kiss me **Buckley** :: I made popcorn

**Eddie** call me a good boy **Diaz** :: If you eat all the popcorn before I get there I will spank you.

**Evan** shut up and kiss me **Buckley** :: If you spank me. I WONT spank you.

**Evan** shut up and kiss me **Buckley** :: And I don’t think you want that, huh Eddie?

**Eddie** call me a good boy **Diaz** :: You are literally the worst Buckley.

**Evan** shut up and kiss me **Buckley** :: Oh and Maddie’s here.

**Eddie** call me a good boy **Diaz** :: I’m sure she’d agree you needed a spanking.

**Evan** shut up and kiss me **Buckley** :: Shut up.

**Eddie** call me a good boy **Diaz** :: Make me.

When Eddie arrives at Buck’s apartment, he lets himself in because Buck never locks the door, and he finds Maddie and Buck standing around the counter in the kitchen eating Chinese takeout.

“I hope you saved me a spring roll,” Eddie says walking into the kitchen.

“Mhmm,” Buck mumbles picking up the spring roll, thrusting it into Eddie’s mouth.

“Ngh,” Eddie snorts glaring over at Buck, biting off the end of the spring roll, “What the hell,” he says taking the other half out of his mouth.

“I was just trying to feed you,” Buck shrugs.

Eddie rolls his eyes, “Hey Maddie.”

“Hey Eddie,” Maddie says smiling back at him.

“I thought we were doing movies and popcorn,” Eddie says looking at Buck.

“Yeah,” Buck says holding out the empty popcorn bowl, “We just ran out of popcorn,” he smiles.

“What did I say about the popcorn Evan?” Eddie says glowering over at Buck.

“Spank him will you,” Maddie says, poking around in her carton of noodles, “He deserves it for the way he treats his sister,” she says walking over to the sofa.

“What?” Buck gasps, “I didn’t do anything to her,” he says looking back at Eddie.

“Looks like you’re outnumbered on the spanking Evan,” Eddie smiles, “Maybe you shouldn’t be such a brat.”

“Go ahead Eddie,” Buck says looking at Eddie, “Spank me, I dare you.”

After the movie Maddie leaves, claiming she had an early shift the following morning. Buck was brushing his teeth in the bathroom, while Eddie was stepping out of the shower.

“You’re not working early, are you?” Eddie asks as Buck spits into the sink.

Buck shakes his head, before rinsing the toothpaste out of his mouth, “You?”

“Late morning,” Eddie says nudging Buck out of the way so he could brush his teeth.

Buck smiles, “Okay,” he says kissing Eddie on the cheek, before walking out into the bedroom.

Eddie walks into the bedroom a few minutes later wearing only his boxer shorts, ready for bed, “You coming to bed?” he calls, assuming Buck went to get a glass of water when he doesn’t see him in bed, except there was already a glass of water sitting on the nightstand, “Evan?”

“I’m not very tired yet,” Buck says stepping out of the closet, “I want to play,” he smirks.

Eddie turns around to see Buck walking over to him, with a braided, dyed red rope in his hand, and he suddenly feels like he needed that glass of water, “Evan,” he murmurs.

“Yes or no?” Buck asks stopping in front of Eddie.

“Yes,” Eddie says watching Buck.

“Take those off,” Buck says laying the rope over Eddie’s shoulders, as he walks up behind him while Eddie removes his boxers.

Eddie remains quiet, as he Buck guides him to the edge of the bed, sitting him down on the bed before Buck moves to sit on the bed behind Eddie. Eddie was very aware of the way Buck’s hands were moving quickly as they worked the rope around his waist and chest, under his arms and around his shoulders. When Eddie looked down, he sees Buck’s hands slipping the rope down against the center of his chest, pulling the rope snugly around his hips.

Evan smiles, leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to the side of Eddie’s face, “I love you, Edmundo,” he whispers into his boyfriend’s ear.

“I love you too Evan,” Eddie says catching a glimpse of Buck over his shoulder.

Evan smiles, pressing his lips against Eddie’s, kissing him gently as he pulls the rope tightly against Eddie’s skin.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I really hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this! ♥


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